Latest Posts
5 Min Read
It was the greatest prank--hah! I summed it up in less than 2 sentences!
But I bragged about it, and now? Oh the never-ending consequences...
5 Min Read
One might argue that all the best pranks indubitably involve, well, poo.
But it's not nearly as funny when that sh*t is pulled on you...
4 Min Read
Have you ever caught yourself daydreaming about your clean-cut mom or dad suddenly cussing like a sailor?
Then today's your lucky day, sir...
3 Min Read
Thinking of helping ol' Dim-Witted Daryl fudge on his geography test? Don't be such a dumbass!
Don't forget: he's also really bad at math...
6 Min Read
You swear you weren't meaning to get a leg up on the competition
But now you gotta fix the situation without drawing too much attention...
6 Min Read
Just cuz somebody is a real smarty-pants doesn't mean they don't make dumb decisions on occasion.
And, no, I'm not returning my medal, man...
6 Min Read
Not all those who wander are lost and then there are those who, deep down, wonder why we wander aimlessly.
Me? I blame the deep blue sea...
6 Min Read
There's this special type of list that our great state makes--but it's on you to check it twice
Not knowing anyone naughty? That'd be nice...
5 Min Read
Who can make a boy's wildest dream come true? The Candy Man can!
And who can trash that dream? The Anti-Candy Ma'am can! Or so she thinks...
4 Min Read
That sweettooth of yours already got you in trouble once, kid.
But just you wait until Dad discovers the second half of the damage you did...
Featured Posts
3 Min Read
"No! Only I get to stuff the ballot box!" he hissed at me as he grabbed my wrists and wrestled the stack of raffle entries from my hand...
4 Min Read
“About time…about —damn time.” That was my reaction when I read the clickbait article today confirming that Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure 3 was REALLY, TRULY HAPPENING. Sure, we have to wait over a year before it actually comes out, but we’ve waited 28 years thus far, so who can complain? I was 8 or […]
5 Min Read
Even when she gathered both of us in the room and demanded we get to the bottom of The Mystery of Which of My Teen Boys Has Been Looking at Lingerie Catalogs, I managed to stick to my guns and maintain the lie.
5 Min Read
This is Part 2 of my Pee-No-Evil adventure. It will probably make much more sense to first read Part 1, Touched By An Angel, if you haven’t already. That’s okay. I’ll just wait here… When I last left you, I had just experienced for the very first time not only an ultrasound, but also the […]
< 1 Min Read
No, you didn't come here to read long-winded novels.
But that never stopped me from writing a few anyways...
4 Min Read
What do you do when you realize there's no time left on your collegiate clock?
Well, that's when you best call in the BWC (Big White Cauc)...
5 Min Read
On that day, there was terror in the air.
And every single passenger on that plane knew that it was coming from back there...
5 Min Read
Say, do you remember those barnyard sounds toys from our childhood? The kind that had a giant plastic arrow that would spin around when you pulled the lever, and then for whatever it would land on, it would kindly inform you what sound that animal made. For example, “The cow says: ‘Mooo’!” Well, I have […]
4 Min Read
When religious ministry and wordplay collide, ya better butter up, BuckleCup.
Slipe 'n slide and glide, it's gonna be one heaven of a ride...
6 Min Read
You hope to give your baby daughter an Easter surprise, but...(Spoiler alert)Jesus isn't the only white thing that's about to arise...
Random Posts
4 Min Read
March 1997: I was a Sophomore in high school and the Jim Carrey classic Liar Liar was about to hit movie theaters. My best friend, Phillip K. Ballz,1Almost but not quite his real name. Also, it’s a Phillip K. ----- pun. For the various reasons “Ballz” was choice #2, yet will be used in place […]
3 Min Read
We all hope to be remembered fondly for our charitable deeds.
But which one actually gets memorialized? Well, that depends...
6 Min Read
Wanna hear a fantastic–but true–story? On a dreary Seattle day in May 1992, a brave dark knight hoisted himself upon a giant papier-mâché derrière and spoke truth into a flat and listless world: I like big butts and I cannot lieYou other brothers can’t denyThat when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waistAnd […]
2 Min Read
Opinions would be formed. Theories would be formulated. Uninformed debates would rage like the fires of hell.
Until one day, the secret would be "leaked."
6 Min Read
What in the world does love got to do with a relationship that is literally toxic?
Well, you'll just have to read on, my friend, read on...
3 Min Read
Oh, the places your mind will go! (When your surfboard sure as shit ain't going anywhere...)
7 Min Read
Editor’s note: This is the B-List of Mediocre Life Tips. If you’re looking for the A-List, you can find it here. Hello Dear Readers! I hope you found my first list of tips to be life-enhancing–or mildly thought-provoking at the very least. These “tips” I share often tend to be arbitrary and capricious, and are […]
5 Min Read
I love dreams. For most of my life I’ve been able to remember at least some portion of my dreams on any given night. I consider myself fortunate in that regard, and I shower unrequested pity on those out there that never can remember their mid-night shenanigans and escapades. Ah, dreams. I find them intriguing […]
5 Min Read
What do you do with your life when Plans A-F fail? Why, you move on Plans G-H-O-S-T, of course!
4 Min Read
I just assumed that there would be at the very least a "turn-your-head-and-cough" moment.
Just like in the glory days of high school...
The latest word on the street